Couple of days ago Scott Adams (Author of dilbert) killed the popular indian character Asok in a moon satellite accident. People wondered, how could he get rid of a character like Asok, just like that!! well he kept an option open to bring him back.
ref: dilbert.com
The good news is, Asok has reincarnated and has regained his true shape after a DNA mixup with snickers bar!!
ref: dilbert.com
Yuvraj Singh hitting 6 sixes of 6 balls in the Super 8 round of Twenty-20 world cup against England. Superb sixes :)
This article in TOI caught my attention.
Link
First of all it proves my view that medical services in India are much better and cheaper than USA.
Apart from that I see it as a really good business scheme and a very good opportunity for indian healthcare industry to get an international standing. I have always judged economic developments from the impact to the last person in the chain. If you look at this piece of information, its bound to increase profits of big hospitals and attract more investment into the healthcare sector. This will in turn improve the services provided by them and availability at various places.
Above all, more money into the market means greater spending power for a common man which makes everyone happy!!
Found this list of zodiac cocktails on net ... seems interesting and worth trying!!
Aries - TNT
¾ oz Pernod
¾ oz. Whisky
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender. Serve in a chilled cocktail glass.
Taurus - Brave Bull
1½ oz Tequila
¾ oz coffee liqueur
Lemon peel to garnish
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and serve in an old fashioned glass. Twist the lemon peel and drop into the glass.
Gemini - Double Trouble
1 part Jack Daniels or Three Barrels brandy
4 parts Bollinger champagne
Slice of orange
Serve in a tall glass or champagne flute with ice and a slice of orange.
Cancer - Moonshine
1 oz Galliano
¾ oz white creme de caçao
¼ oz orange juice
1 oz vanilla ice cream
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and serve in a large, chilled cocktail glass.
Leo - Red Lion
1 oz. Gin
1 oz Grand Marnier
½ oz. lemon juice
½ oz. orange juice
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
Virgo - Virgin Mary
6 oz. Tomato juice
¼ tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp. fresh lemon juice
Several pinches celery salt
Several dashes Tabasco sauce
Pinch white pepper
Celery stick to garnish
Stir the ingredients well in a mixing glass and pour into a chilled highball glass with several ice cubes. Garnish with a celery stick.
Libra - Cuba Libre
1 ½ oz.Rum
½ oz. lime juice
Cola (ice cold)
Lime wedge to garnish
Pour the rum and lime juice over ice in a highball or Collins glass. Fill with Cola and garnish with the lime wedge.
Scorpio - Scorpion
1 ½ oz. light rum
1 oz. brandy
2 oz. orange juice
1 oz. lemon juice
½ oz. orgeat syrup or 2 tsp. almond essence
Slice of orange and mint to garnish
Mix the ingredients with some ice in a blender and pour over ice in an old fashioned glass. Garnish with orange and mint.
Sagittarius - Moscow Mule
1 ½ oz. Vodka
1 tsp. lime juice
Ginger beer or ginger ale
Lime slice or wedge
Pour the vodka and lime juice into a highball glass with several ice cubes. Stir and fill with ginger beer or ginger ale. Garnish with lime.
Capricorn - Capri
1 ½ oz. crème de banane
1 ½ oz. white crème de cacao
1 oz. cream
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
Aquarius - Aquarius
1½ oz Scotch whisky
¾ oz Cherry Liqueur
1 oz Cranberry juice
¼ oz Sugar syrup
Maraschino cherry to garnish
Shake the ingredients and strain into an ice filled Rocks glass. Garnish with a Maraschino cherry
Pisces - Sea Waves
1½ oz vodka
½ oz dry vermouth
½ oz blue Curaçao
½ oz Galliano
Maraschino cherries to garnish
Half fill a cocktail glass or wine goblet with ice, add the ingredients, stir well and garnish with the cherries.
Reference: http://www.astralarts.com/recipeofmonth.html
Also Read: http://horoscopes.aol.com/astrology/cocktails-aries-taurus-gemini-cancer-leo
One of the sweetest and melodious commercial and one of my favorites. It brings me up from all the downs!!!
Another one of my favorites in the new ones. This is a musical ad but the concept has very strong impact. The ad made me believe that people in advertising in India do get creative ideas.
This is another one of good ads I like. I think everyone of my age have some feelings attached to this ad. This as was of a true Indian brand, in fact the ad declares the brand name "Bajaj" as a great portrait of the great India.
I am gonna put up links for some of my favorite ads. One of them is this one:
P.S. The voice in the video is very low so keep your speakers on full.
What was the last place you thought Chinese goods would enter??
I thought cricket ground would be it .... not in terms of sporting goods!! It was the players and coaches I had in mind. I shouldn't have underestimated Chinese factory line production system. TOI reports:It's a model the Chinese have followed with manufacturing. Mass produce and steamroller. Now, Beijing wants to deploy it to storm one of the last remaining bastions of sports — cricket.
Imagine 150,000 Hans taking on Indian cricket team !!
Do we stand a chance?
Will this team be of standards of Chinese sportsmen or Chinese consumer goods??
Lets wait n watch!!!
You heard of the vibrating ring and the moral police's reaction to it. Since Hindustan Latex couldn't earn much from that product, they have come with a new one. Now this one has got flavor of Paan.
The new product having flavor of betel leaf has been designed mostly for sex workers. The paan flavor was tested with the prototypes of chocolate, banana and strawberry. and guess what, paan flavored one topped the tests!!!
I am waiting for the reaction of our self appointed moral police. Lets see if they like to chew it or spit it!!
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
"Source"
Awesome pic ... no idea about the actual reference but I copied it from Pria's Blog
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
- Do you want to stop paying bribes but worried if your work will get done or not?
- Do you think your municipality is skipping the sanitation duty in your area?
- Do you wish to do social audit of a particular department in any area?
- Do you wish to inspect the material used in any government work?
- Do you want to see how the MLA of your constituency spent all that development fund?
I was tagged by Amrita for this ... nice to know random facts about people but to write your own is not that much fun!! Well here are the rules of the game ...
1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
4. If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will not reach Third Series or attain your most precious goals for at least two more lifetimes.
Have you wondered why the credit card agents are so anxious to give you those life time free credit cards??
Have you thought how the credit card companies earn profit, while giving you interest free credit for 40 days?
Is your credit card statement perpetually late?? do you have to suffer the late fee because of delay on part of the credit card company?
Link to story
Stop paying late fee, and be cautious while using those cards!!
The credit card companies have earned 6000 crore rs. from customers in terms of various fees. They have been violating norms using unfair practices and making false promises. Its one of their strategy to delay the issue of statement and then levy the high late fee. Another practice they have is selling the credit card in the name of life time free and then levying annual fee one year later!!
*Tip* : If you are victim of your credit card companies bad practices, talk to their customer service and threaten to discontinue the card. Its a tested method and works most of the time.
Bihar faced communal clash in January this year. Bihar policed filed FIR against 7 people for attack on police force and inciting riots. and guess who is among those 7.
A two year old kid who can't even eat his food on his own (according to his aunt). Now that the matter is in media, police says it might be a clerical error. I wonder how many clerical errors of this kind have gone unnoticed, and how many of those innocent people have been booked for the crimes they never did. If they can book a two year old for rioting then there is no stopping them to book anyone for any crime they want.
Link to the story
I remember a joke, once a police commissioner called inspector that his watch and ring are missing. The inspector gets on work. The commissioner calls back in few minutes saying he found his watch and ring in bathroom, the inspector says, "How is it possible sir, I have five different people locked up here saying they stole those items."
We all saw it, we all liked it.
But someone took it to heart, and went ahead to do their part to the society. I always had a bad impression of the rich kids, but then you don't need a million deeds to change your view. These kids know their forte and are using it in a great way. They know they are rich and have contacts with similar people and they have channeled the effort in a very right way. I know it would be too much to ask for everyone doing their part, but even half of us did it, the world would be a much better place to live.
Link to story
"Terrific date last night," Fred told Bill at the office on morning: "Blonde. Really gorgeous. After the dance we went out and parked by the lake. I asked her for a kiss. She saidshe would if I'd put the top down so we could enjoy the moonlight. So I went to work and got the top down in about an hour and-"
"An Hour!" Bill exclaimed. "I get mine down in two minutes."
"Sure," replied Fred, "but you have a convertible!"
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An African chieftain flew to London for a visit and was met at the airport by newsmen. "Good morning, Chief," one said. "Did you have a comfortable flight?"
The chief made a series of raucous noises-honk, oink, screech, whistle, z-z-z-z--then added in perfect English, "Yes, very pleasant indeed."
"And how long you plan to stay?" asked the reporter.
Prefacing his remarks with the same noises the chief answered, "About three weeks I think."
"Tell me, Chief," inquired the baffled reporter, "where did you learn to speak such flawless English?"
After the now standard honk, oink, screech, whistle and z-z-z-z, the chief said, "Short-wave radio."
Are you bored of hacking the silly computers?? Try out hacking your body with lifehacker's top 10 body hacks!!
Lifehacker Top 10 Body Hacks
Once, a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like."
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years.
This is a continuing post to my last post about slum free dharavi.
Here are many more links to the plan ...
Maharashtra Govt plan's ppt (beware its 118mbs)
Rediff
Hindu
Slum Rehabilitation Authority page.
DNA (Daily News & Analysis)
Mumbai NEWSLine1
Mumbai NewsLine2
Imagine 70 million sq ft land changing from slums to skyscrapers!!! That is the plan IAS officer I.S. Chahal (Vice-President of
The plan include giving the land to a builder for development and major points are
A survey among 15,000 European hoteliers says Indians are the most impolite. Why am I not not surprised at all. The way we Indians demand for the value of our hard earned money, no one in the hospitality business is going to be happy with us. But is it wrong to ask for the value of your money ( The true value in indian terms ).
Another point that Indian people like their own food and don't pay big bucks to restaurants for the mostly tasteless food. An Indian is a foodie by birth, same as citizen by birth. You can't force us to eat the food we don't want. Most of the travel operators provide tourist packages inclusive of Indian food. This brings more people in the tourism net. This also makes the hospitality people unhappy.
All in all, we might be impolite but still we are best among the developing world.
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
What does your boss mean when he says one of these:
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is...??"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble "
Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!
Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!
Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!
Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein
Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?
Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.
Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke...
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!
Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.
Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon...
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.
Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.
Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'
A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!
Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card,
I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mails will be deleted in the order they were received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve...'
Laws of Love
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Part 1
Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.
The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"
Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the officer asked.
Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."
"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."
Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"
Very curious now, the officer says, " O.K. I've got to see this"
Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.
After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"
"Well, What?" Banta says.
The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"
"Fish! What fish?Whose fish?" Banta responds.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It`s triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago
Good: Your wife s not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She`s a lawyer
Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He`s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You`e in them
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can`t find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them
Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He`s a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you
Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections
Good: The postman`s early
Bad: He`s wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas
Good: Your son is dating someone new
Bad: It`s another man
Ugly: He`s your best friend
Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients
Thanx to SantaBanta!!
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
30) Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.:)
31) Formula for success: Rise early, work hard, strike oil.:)
32) Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.:)
33) Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.:)
34) Failure is success if we learn from it.:)
35) The man who has done his level best... is a success, even though the world may write him down a failure.:)
36) There is no point at which you can say, "Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.":)
37) If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.:)
38) Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.:)
39) Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.:)
40) Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.:)
41) The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.:)
42) One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.:)
43) The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents.:)
44) In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time.:)
45) If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.:)
46) In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.:)
47) I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.:)
48) Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.:)
49) Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiam.:)
50) Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.:)
51) Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.:)
52) Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.:)
53) I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.:)
54) A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.:)
55) Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.:)
56) Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.:)
57) Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.:)
58) The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
Success Quotes - 1
Wal-Mart is entering Indian retail market in partnership with Bharti Enterprise. I see a major change in the retail industry in India, not that it was not changing anyways!! Big-Bazaar, Tru-Mart etc have been fighting to change the scenario. They have been trying to allure the customer from mom 'n' pop stores, but have been finding it tough except in some categories.
Given wal-mart's expertise in supply chain, it might do wonders in the market.
How will it affect the Indian markets:
1) Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure :)
2) I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.:)
3) Nothing recedes like success.:)
4) Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.:)
5) Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on:) intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.:)
6) Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it... Success is shy - it won't come out while you're watching.:)
7) Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result.:)
8) Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.:)
9) Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.:)
10) What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.:)
11) Success is like death. The more successful you become, the higher the houses in the hills get and the higer the fences get.:)
12) Success is dependent on effort.:)
13) How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?:)
14) The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.:)
15) There is nothing to fear but fear itself.:)
16) The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.:)
17) Action is the foundational key to all success.:)
18) Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown.:)
19) Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.:)
20) Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good.:)
21) It's not enough that I should succeed - others should fail.:)
22) The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant and kind.:)
23) No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.:)
24) Success is that old ABC - ability, breaks, and courage.:)
25) Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.:)
26) Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves.:)
27) I've had enough success for two lifetimes, my success is talent put together with hard work and luck.:)
28) Pray that success will not come any faster than you are able to endure it.:)
29) Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time.:)
An Australian guy is traveling around the Greek Islands.
He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian Barmaid.
As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent.
Over the course of the evening they get chatting.
At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.
As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.
She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights.
On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner.
The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in Australia. "Melbourne", he tells her.
"So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.
"Glen Iris" he replies.
"That's amazing," she says excitedly, "so am I – what street?"
"Cameo Street" he replies.
"This is unbelievable. ........" she says, her voice quavering; What number?"
"Number 20", he replies.
She is totally astonished.
"You are NOT going to believe this," she screams, "but I'm from number 22! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Six
Take Eight
Take Nine
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. "
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Seven
Take Eight
Take Nine
