Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Asok reincarnated!!

Couple of days ago Scott Adams (Author of dilbert) killed the popular indian character Asok in a moon satellite accident. People wondered, how could he get rid of a character like Asok, just like that!! well he kept an option open to bring him back.

ref: dilbert.com

The good news is, Asok has reincarnated and has regained his true shape after a DNA mixup with snickers bar!!

ref: dilbert.com

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Thursday, September 20, 2007

World Reocrd in Twenty20

Yuvraj Singh hitting 6 sixes of 6 balls in the Super 8 round of Twenty-20 world cup against England. Superb sixes :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Indian Healthcare

This article in TOI caught my attention.


First of all it proves my view that medical services in India are much better and cheaper than USA.

Apart from that I see it as a really good business scheme and a very good opportunity for indian healthcare industry to get an international standing. I have always judged economic developments from the impact to the last person in the chain. If you look at this piece of information, its bound to increase profits of big hospitals and attract more investment into the healthcare sector. This will in turn improve the services provided by them and availability at various places.

Above all, more money into the market means greater spending power for a common man which makes everyone happy!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Friday, August 24, 2007

Astral Cocktails!!

Found this list of zodiac cocktails on net ... seems interesting and worth trying!!

Aries - TNT
¾ oz Pernod
¾ oz. Whisky
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender. Serve in a chilled cocktail glass.

Taurus - Brave Bull
1½ oz Tequila
¾ oz coffee liqueur
Lemon peel to garnish
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and serve in an old fashioned glass. Twist the lemon peel and drop into the glass.

Gemini - Double Trouble
1 part Jack Daniels or Three Barrels brandy
4 parts Bollinger champagne
Slice of orange
Serve in a tall glass or champagne flute with ice and a slice of orange.

Cancer - Moonshine
1 oz Galliano
¾ oz white creme de caçao
¼ oz orange juice
1 oz vanilla ice cream
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and serve in a large, chilled cocktail glass.

Leo - Red Lion
1 oz. Gin
1 oz Grand Marnier
½ oz. lemon juice
½ oz. orange juice
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Virgo - Virgin Mary
6 oz. Tomato juice
¼ tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp. fresh lemon juice
Several pinches celery salt
Several dashes Tabasco sauce
Pinch white pepper
Celery stick to garnish
Stir the ingredients well in a mixing glass and pour into a chilled highball glass with several ice cubes. Garnish with a celery stick.

Libra - Cuba Libre
1 ½ oz.Rum
½ oz. lime juice
Cola (ice cold)
Lime wedge to garnish
Pour the rum and lime juice over ice in a highball or Collins glass. Fill with Cola and garnish with the lime wedge.

Scorpio - Scorpion
1 ½ oz. light rum
1 oz. brandy
2 oz. orange juice
1 oz. lemon juice
½ oz. orgeat syrup or 2 tsp. almond essence
Slice of orange and mint to garnish
Mix the ingredients with some ice in a blender and pour over ice in an old fashioned glass. Garnish with orange and mint.

Sagittarius - Moscow Mule
1 ½ oz. Vodka
1 tsp. lime juice
Ginger beer or ginger ale
Lime slice or wedge
Pour the vodka and lime juice into a highball glass with several ice cubes. Stir and fill with ginger beer or ginger ale. Garnish with lime.

Capricorn - Capri
1 ½ oz. crème de banane
1 ½ oz. white crème de cacao
1 oz. cream
Mix the ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker/blender and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Aquarius - Aquarius
1½ oz Scotch whisky
¾ oz Cherry Liqueur
1 oz Cranberry juice
¼ oz Sugar syrup
Maraschino cherry to garnish
Shake the ingredients and strain into an ice filled Rocks glass. Garnish with a Maraschino cherry

Pisces - Sea Waves
1½ oz vodka
½ oz dry vermouth
½ oz blue Curaçao
½ oz Galliano
Maraschino cherries to garnish
Half fill a cocktail glass or wine goblet with ice, add the ingredients, stir well and garnish with the cherries.

Reference: http://www.astralarts.com/recipeofmonth.html

Also Read: http://horoscopes.aol.com/astrology/cocktails-aries-taurus-gemini-cancer-leo

Monday, August 13, 2007

dairy milk ad

One of the sweetest and melodious commercial and one of my favorites. It brings me up from all the downs!!!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

funny adline!!

Superbly funny ad:

Another version of it:

Monday, August 06, 2007

Indian Advertisement

Another one of my favorites in the new ones. This is a musical ad but the concept has very strong impact. The ad made me believe that people in advertising in India do get creative ideas.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Another good ad

This is another one of good ads I like. I think everyone of my age have some feelings attached to this ad. This as was of a true Indian brand, in fact the ad declares the brand name "Bajaj" as a great portrait of the great India.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Some of my favorite ads on Indian TV

I am gonna put up links for some of my favorite ads. One of them is this one:

P.S. The voice in the video is very low so keep your speakers on full.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

China takes to cricket!!

What was the last place you thought Chinese goods would enter??

I thought cricket ground would be it .... not in terms of sporting goods!! It was the players and coaches I had in mind. I shouldn't have underestimated Chinese factory line production system. TOI reports:

It's a model the Chinese have followed with manufacturing. Mass produce and steamroller. Now, Beijing wants to deploy it to storm one of the last remaining bastions of sports — cricket.
Imagine 150,000 Hans taking on Indian cricket team !!

Do we stand a chance?
Will this team be of standards of Chinese sportsmen or Chinese consumer goods??

Lets wait n watch!!!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

what am I reading?

This is what I read today!!

Ankur worried about his taxes (educational cess) : Link

pr3rna questioning the economic status being correlated to terrorist activities. Link

Priya is ready for the weekend and so am I : Link

Friday, July 27, 2007

Harry Potter in the hood

Something new for the potter fans !!

This is the original website: omovies

Friday, July 20, 2007

Nice Ad

Nice n subtle ad!! liked it :)

Do you like Paan?

You heard of the vibrating ring and the moral police's reaction to it. Since Hindustan Latex couldn't earn much from that product, they have come with a new one. Now this one has got flavor of Paan.
The new product having flavor of betel leaf has been designed mostly for sex workers. The paan flavor was tested with the prototypes of chocolate, banana and strawberry. and guess what, paan flavored one topped the tests!!!

I am waiting for the reaction of our self appointed moral police. Lets see if they like to chew it or spit it!!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Murder weapons of delhi back on the road

The Delhi govt has bowed to the blueline operators again. These are the same buses involved in rash drivings, tripping over and killing people and school kids. After the outcry over several cases in a row, the delhi police started enforcing law in proper way. The next thing you know is that all the blueline buses are on strike.

This is the respect of law in this country. The moment you try to force the law, we will hijack the basic services and disrupt the life of common public and force you to forget all the law and order. We will never tolerate the enforcement of law against us whatever happens. You can't make us follow these stupid laws of drivers license and vehicle insurance. Surprisingly, many people happily put life of their kids in hands of these law breaking drivers.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Somebody else killed the rabit

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."


Friday, July 06, 2007

Pic of the day!!

Awesome pic ... no idea about the actual reference but I copied it from Pria's Blog

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Can breastfeeding cause HIV infection?

How much do you know about HIV infection. To my knowledge there are four ways of transmission of HIV virus
  1. Infusion of infected blood
  2. Sexual intercourse with HIV infected person
  3. Needles
  4. From HIV infected mother on birth.
What would you think of Breast Feeding?

I had this notion that body fluid contact (blood or semen) was necessary for the transmission of HIV, and anything which is taken orally wont transmit the disease. According to this theory breastfeeding wouldn't cause any harm.

I was shocked on seeing this news article, where doctors advised HIV infected mother against breastfeeding. I thought of it as one more case of random behavior of doctors. But when they showed interview with an expert and he quoted some statistics, I felt like googling about this. And the results were totally different then my perception.
There have been studies that breastfeeding do increase the chances of HIV infection in new born. According to this report by UNICEF, WHO, UNFPA etc breastfeeding has cumulative effect on chances of HIV infection. It means more the breastfeeding, more is the chance of virus transmission. There was seen an increase of about 10-20% in the cases of transmission of the disease when breast feeding for 6-24 months.

Link to Report.

Tell me if there are any more fallacies in my thinking about HIV transmission.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Atheist and bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."


Thursday, June 28, 2007

Right To Information!!

  • Do you want to stop paying bribes but worried if your work will get done or not?
  • Do you think your municipality is skipping the sanitation duty in your area?
  • Do you wish to do social audit of a particular department in any area?
  • Do you wish to inspect the material used in any government work?
  • Do you want to see how the MLA of your constituency spent all that development fund?

Being an Indian if you haven't heard of RTI than you must have been deep asleep while a storm swept over the countries bureaucracy. If you have any of the questions above but don't know whom to ask or where to ask, then check this website out.
I am impressed by the work they are doing and the help they are providing to information seekers. Hope it helps to anyone who wants to change something in the system!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

8 Random Facts

I was tagged by Amrita for this ... nice to know random facts about people but to write your own is not that much fun!! Well here are the rules of the game ...

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
4. If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will not reach Third Series or attain your most precious goals for at least two more lifetimes.

I think it would be fun to give it a try ... not that i m not afraid of rule#4 :P

1.) I love bollywood movies. I can watch any movie made in bollywood, specially old ones.

2.) I read my first english book (apart from text books) at the age of 19, when i was going on vacation from college. It was The Firm by John Grisham.

3.) Unlike most guys in this world, I love shopping of any kind. In fact I love window shopping. It used to be my favorite passtime in India, to roam around in the malls.

4.) Like most people I love sleeping. can sleep almost everywhere ... friends from college remember me as the guy sleeping on the last bench!!

5.) I have been in USA for one year and yet don't know much about amrican tv. On the other hand I follow various indian tv series on a regular basis, like Koffee, Laughter, Office-Office and Antakshari!!

6.) I love learning sports, have tried my hands on several games. I am not an expert in any of those ... kind of jack of all!!

7.) I have started cooking a year back and I love it. Nothing to boast but I Can cook almost all north indian dishes :P

8.) I love babies. They are so cute !!! I would instantly wink at unknown babies and make faces to see them laugh!!

Now the best part of it .... I get to tag 8 more people!!!
My choice is Ankur, Kokonad, Charu, Prerna, Sree, Shridhar, Gaurav. Have fun guys!!!

is your credit card company cheating on you??

Have you wondered why the credit card agents are so anxious to give you those life time free credit cards??
Have you thought how the credit card companies earn profit, while giving you interest free credit for 40 days?
Is your credit card statement perpetually late?? do you have to suffer the late fee because of delay on part of the credit card company?

Link to story

Stop paying late fee, and be cautious while using those cards!!
The credit card companies have earned 6000 crore rs. from customers in terms of various fees. They have been violating norms using unfair practices and making false promises. Its one of their strategy to delay the issue of statement and then levy the high late fee. Another practice they have is selling the credit card in the name of life time free and then levying annual fee one year later!!

*Tip* : If you are victim of your credit card companies bad practices, talk to their customer service and threaten to discontinue the card. Its a tested method and works most of the time.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Great Bihar Police

Bihar faced communal clash in January this year. Bihar policed filed FIR against 7 people for attack on police force and inciting riots. and guess who is among those 7.
A two year old kid who can't even eat his food on his own (according to his aunt). Now that the matter is in media, police says it might be a clerical error. I wonder how many clerical errors of this kind have gone unnoticed, and how many of those innocent people have been booked for the crimes they never did. If they can book a two year old for rioting then there is no stopping them to book anyone for any crime they want.

Link to the story

I remember a joke, once a police commissioner called inspector that his watch and ring are missing. The inspector gets on work. The commissioner calls back in few minutes saying he found his watch and ring in bathroom, the inspector says, "How is it possible sir, I have five different people locked up here saying they stole those items."

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Rang de Basanti

We all saw it, we all liked it.

But someone took it to heart, and went ahead to do their part to the society. I always had a bad impression of the rich kids, but then you don't need a million deeds to change your view. These kids know their forte and are using it in a great way. They know they are rich and have contacts with similar people and they have channeled the effort in a very right way. I know it would be too much to ask for everyone doing their part, but even half of us did it, the world would be a much better place to live.

Link to story

Friday, June 15, 2007

I salute you "DSP Sarabjeet Singh"

This article on meri-news touched my heart. The officer went against the 'fatwa' by terrorists and performed the last rituals for the son of a 70 year old lady. I salute to the officer for his brave deed!! These are the people who command respect. His duty did not require him to do that but he chose to do it. That makes it more touching. I have seen this kind of scenes in bollywood movies, but it makes me happy to know that there are real people playing those roles in real life!!
I know it'll take few years for this kind of article to feature in the mainstream print or electronic media. But I hope it happen sooner than later.

Link to the article

Zanies All

"Terrific date last night," Fred told Bill at the office on morning: "Blonde. Really gorgeous. After the dance we went out and parked by the lake. I asked her for a kiss. She saidshe would if I'd put the top down so we could enjoy the moonlight. So I went to work and got the top down in about an hour and-"
"An Hour!" Bill exclaimed. "I get mine down in two minutes."
"Sure," replied Fred, "but you have a convertible!"

An African chieftain flew to London for a visit and was met at the airport by newsmen. "Good morning, Chief," one said. "Did you have a comfortable flight?"
The chief made a series of raucous noises-honk, oink, screech, whistle, z-z-z-z--then added in perfect English, "Yes, very pleasant indeed."
"And how long you plan to stay?" asked the reporter.
Prefacing his remarks with the same noises the chief answered, "About three weeks I think."
"Tell me, Chief," inquired the baffled reporter, "where did you learn to speak such flawless English?"
After the now standard honk, oink, screech, whistle and z-z-z-z, the chief said, "Short-wave radio."

Top 10 Body Hacks

Are you bored of hacking the silly computers?? Try out hacking your body with lifehacker's top 10 body hacks!!

Lifehacker Top 10 Body Hacks

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Foot in Mouth Disease!!

One morning a businessman's secretary was showing off a stunning new tailored suit, her birthday present from her family. Her boss stopped to admire it, then went on into his private office to greet a client who was waiting to see him.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," he told his startled caller, "but i was just admiring my secretary in her birthday suit."


It had been several weeks since a prosperous farmer had been in the bank where she worked. "Miss Lee," he greeted her, "you seem to be getting a little stouter."
"Don't you know you mustn't ever tell a woman she is getting fat?" she chided.
"Oh," he said with surprise, "I didn't think a woman of your age would mind."

Source: RD

Friday, June 08, 2007

Wit n Humor

Two friends, one 50 and the other 60, were arguing about the forthcoming marriage of the latter to a young lady in her 20's. "I don;t believe in these May-December marriages," disapproved the 50-year-old. "After all, December is going to find in May the freshness and beauty of spring-time, but whatever is May going to find in December?"

The bridegroom-to-be replied, "Christmas!"


  • People seldom think alike- until it comes to buying wedding presents.

Source: Reader's Digest Treasury of Wit and Humor.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Are you a bad guy??

Once, a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."

"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like."


A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years.

Slum Free Dharavi

This is a continuing post to my last post about slum free dharavi.
Here are many more links to the plan ...

Maharashtra Govt plan's ppt (beware its 118mbs)



Slum Rehabilitation Authority page.

DNA (Daily News & Analysis)

Mumbai NEWSLine1

Mumbai NewsLine2

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Mumbai facelift: is it too good to be true?

Imagine 70 million sq ft land changing from slums to skyscrapers!!! That is the plan IAS officer I.S. Chahal (Vice-President of Maharashtra Housing And Area Development Authority) is looking after.

The plan include giving the land to a builder for development and major points are

  • The slum dwellers will be given 225 sq ft flats in some of those buildings. I know the place would be very small but i guess its still more than the place they have currently.
  • The govt. will get 450Rs per sq ft premium which would not be very great but still worth mentioning.
  • There will be a focus on local amenities like building of schools, colleges, hospitals and police stations.
I know there will be questions about corruption, feasibility, resistance etc etc. But I am happy just to think that there are plans for this thing.
Some of the pluses I see in this:
  • Think of all the problems slum dwellers have from from garbage, sanitation, roads, congestion, etc. Slum dwellers doesn't even have proper sanitary arrangements. It would be a change of lifetime for them.
  • It would solve the land shortage problem of Mumbai to a very great extent.
  • If planned and executed properly, it would have lots of schools, parks, hospitals etc. Social improvement in line.
The story : ibnlive

Do share your views on this.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Are you the worst tourist in the world??

A survey among 15,000 European hoteliers says Indians are the most impolite. Why am I not not surprised at all. The way we Indians demand for the value of our hard earned money, no one in the hospitality business is going to be happy with us. But is it wrong to ask for the value of your money ( The true value in indian terms ).
Another point that Indian people like their own food and don't pay big bucks to restaurants for the mostly tasteless food. An Indian is a foodie by birth, same as citizen by birth. You can't force us to eat the food we don't want. Most of the travel operators provide tourist packages inclusive of Indian food. This brings more people in the tourism net. This also makes the hospitality people unhappy.

All in all, we might be impolite but still we are best among the developing world.

What is your wish??

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.

I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Little Johnny!! (R)

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Saturday, May 26, 2007

what did he mean by that??

What does your boss mean when he says one of these:

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is...??"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble "

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Matrimonial !!

Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.

Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT Consultant
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

Wife wanted for company.

I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society..... ......... ... (etc etc and never getting to the point)

Car Dealer
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.

Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for planting flower in my life.

I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself.
Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to home. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

Minicab Driver
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.

Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

Army Commando
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RaceCar Driver
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!

I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Jokes!! (Punjabi Tadka)

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein
Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?

Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke...
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon...
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!

Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Wife of Software Engineer!!!

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

Best Out of office Auto-Replies!!!

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mails will be deleted in the order they were received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.


12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve...'

Friday, May 18, 2007

Five Stories!!

Story: 1

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO. As his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson I “Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything”.

Story: 2

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"

Lesson II “If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything."

Story: 3

An American and Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese !, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey, or monkey?"

Lesson III “Never insult anyone."

Story: 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same andshouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!. ........"

Lesson IV “Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen."

Story: 5

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month." "Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"

Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Laws of Love

Laws of Love

{1} Universal law of Love:
" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

{2} First law of Love:
" A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

{3} Second law of Love:

" The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

{4} Third law of Love:
" The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping"

English is a phunny language!! Cont...

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Part 1

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Is anybody up there?

Banta was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall.
In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.
Full of fear he assessed his situation. He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death.
Full of fear, Banta cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer.
Again and again he cried out but to no avail.
Finally Banta yelled, "Is anybody up there? "
A deep voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."
"Who said that?"
"It's God, son."
"Can you help me, Goooooodddddd? "
"Yes, I can help. Have faith in me."
"Help me!"
Just let go."
Looking around, Banta became full of panic. "What?!?!"
"Have faith in me, sonny. Let go. I will catch you."
"Uh... Is there anybodyyyyyyyyyyy. ...... else........ ........ up there?"Banta yells even more forcefully.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Pet Fish!!

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, " O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?Whose fish?" Banta responds.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

The good, The bad and The Ugly!!

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It`s triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago

Good: Your wife s not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She`s a lawyer

Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He`s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You`e in them

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can`t find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He`s a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: The postman`s early
Bad: He`s wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your son is dating someone new
Bad: It`s another man
Ugly: He`s your best friend

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients

Thanx to SantaBanta!!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

English is a phunny language!!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Success Quotes - 2

30) Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.:)

31) Formula for success: Rise early, work hard, strike oil.:)

32) Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.:)

33) Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.:)

34) Failure is success if we learn from it.:)

35) The man who has done his level best... is a success, even though the world may write him down a failure.:)

36) There is no point at which you can say, "Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.":)

37) If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.:)

38) Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.:)

39) Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.:)

40) Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.:)

41) The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.:)

42) One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.:)

43) The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents.:)

44) In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time.:)

45) If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.:)

46) In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.:)

47) I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.:)

48) Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.:)

49) Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiam.:)

50) Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.:)

51) Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.:)

52) Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.:)

53) I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.:)

54) A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.:)

55) Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.:)

56) Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.:)

57) Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.:)

58) The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

Success Quotes - 1

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Wal-Mart India Story!!!

Wal-Mart is entering Indian retail market in partnership with Bharti Enterprise. I see a major change in the retail industry in India, not that it was not changing anyways!! Big-Bazaar, Tru-Mart etc have been fighting to change the scenario. They have been trying to allure the customer from mom 'n' pop stores, but have been finding it tough except in some categories.
Given wal-mart's expertise in supply chain, it might do wonders in the market.

How will it affect the Indian markets:

  • As always happens in competition, consumer will be the biggest winner in the show. Quality stuff at competitive prices at all times (if the store open 24x7).
  • Producers might have to give in some of their profits, but in long run might be happy to do business with wal-mart (situation in US is different as it does not have a small shop culture, so producers are forced to concede to the whims of wal-mart, but I don't see similar thing happening in India.)
  • Best part might be fighting the food article's adulteration. As I hope wal-mart will look for better quality.
  • Small shop owners will be forced to improve their quality of product and service but should not lose much in the competition.
  • In the end, wal-mart wont be going deep in small towns, so small shop owners in those cities need not worry.

Success Quotes - 1

1) Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure :)

2) I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.:)

3) Nothing recedes like success.:)

4) Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.:)

5) Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on:) intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.:)

6) Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it... Success is shy - it won't come out while you're watching.:)

7) Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result.:)

8) Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.:)

9) Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.:)

10) What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.:)

11) Success is like death. The more successful you become, the higher the houses in the hills get and the higer the fences get.:)

12) Success is dependent on effort.:)

13) How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?:)

14) The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.:)

15) There is nothing to fear but fear itself.:)

16) The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.:)

17) Action is the foundational key to all success.:)

18) Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown.:)

19) Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.:)

20) Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good.:)

21) It's not enough that I should succeed - others should fail.:)

22) The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant and kind.:)

23) No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.:)

24) Success is that old ABC - ability, breaks, and courage.:)

25) Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.:)

26) Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves.:)

27) I've had enough success for two lifetimes, my success is talent put together with hard work and luck.:)

28) Pray that success will not come any faster than you are able to endure it.:)

29) Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time.:)

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Amazing answer!!

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .

He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running"!!!! !!!!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Life is a Puzzle!!


  • Don't force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
  • When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.
  • Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
  • Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.
  • When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later.
  • The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.
  • Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.
  • Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
  • Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.
  • Take time to celebrate your successes (even little ones).
  • Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

I miss you!!


A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I 'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat" replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while,sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent,

"What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

again a good one!!!

An Australian guy is traveling around the Greek Islands.

He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian Barmaid.

As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent.

Over the course of the evening they get chatting.

At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.

As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.

She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner.

The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in Australia. "Melbourne", he tells her.

"So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.

"Glen Iris" he replies.

"That's amazing," she says excitedly, "so am I – what street?"

"Cameo Street" he replies.

"This is unbelievable. ........" she says, her voice quavering; What number?"

"Number 20", he replies.

She is totally astonished.

"You are NOT going to believe this," she screams, "but I'm from number 22! My parents still live there!"

"I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Understading Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Take One
Take Two
Take Three
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Take Eight

Understading Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

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Understading Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

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Understading Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. "
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Understading Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The Graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Understading Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

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