Saturday, April 28, 2007

I miss you!!


A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I 'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat" replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while,sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent,

"What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

again a good one!!!

An Australian guy is traveling around the Greek Islands.

He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian Barmaid.

As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent.

Over the course of the evening they get chatting.

At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.

As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.

She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner.

The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in Australia. "Melbourne", he tells her.

"So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.

"Glen Iris" he replies.

"That's amazing," she says excitedly, "so am I รข€“ what street?"

"Cameo Street" he replies.

"This is unbelievable. ........" she says, her voice quavering; What number?"

"Number 20", he replies.

She is totally astonished.

"You are NOT going to believe this," she screams, "but I'm from number 22! My parents still live there!"

"I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Understading Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Six
Take Seven
Take Eight

Understading Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Six
Take Seven
Take Nine

Understading Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Six
Take Eight
Take Nine

Understading Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. "
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Seven
Take Eight
Take Nine

Understading Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The Graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Six
Take Seven
Take Eight
Take Nine

Understading Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Take One
Take Two
Take Three
Take Five
Take Six
Take Seven
Take Eight
Take Nine

Understading Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Take One
Take Two
Take Four
Take Five
Take Six
Take Seven
Take Eight
Take Nine

Understading Engineers - Take Two

  • To the optimist, the glass is half full.
  • To the pessimist, the glass is Half empty.
  • To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Take One
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Six
Take Seven
Take Eight
Take Nine

Understading Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Take Two
Take Three
Take Four
Take Five
Take Six
Take Seven
Take Eight
Take Nine

Friday, April 20, 2007

Daughters of Bihar

Thanx to Dilip D'Souza for highlighting this.

Bihar ki Betiya, a wonderful festival to get the poorest of poor connected to mainstream. Educating them is the best thing you can give.

Two things I want to say:
1. Will Arjun Singh and other state's chief ministers open their eyes, and try to follow this?
2. Will media stop showing Cho Seung-Hui and give some time to this kind of stories??

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Are you a voter?

I found this information while browsing through Indian Govt. official website. You can search the Electoral Rolls (Voter Lists) of the Election Commission of India. I found my information there, Check out if your name is there in it or not.

Search Electoral Rolls (Voter Lists)

Hope this information helps someone. You might want to browse National Portal of India, It has plethora of information on it.

Right to Information

Right to Information Act, One law which gave hope to the nation against corruption. Here is a chat session by rediff on how we can use is more efficiently. See if your questions lies in this session.

Here are some websites suggested by Shailesh Gandhi in this chat session.

Mommy Test !!

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked something up off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that."Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been,it's dirty and it probably has germs", I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."
I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test.

You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So, if you don't pass the test, you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly", I replied back, with a big smile on my face.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Is another village joining the Naxals?

I have a kind request to Dr. Manmohan Singh to wake up and take a look into the things going on in name of progress. If we do not take care, it wont be too long before another part of India gets the Naxal link.

IBNLive Story

In one part of the story, they show how police arrested the whole village and made them to go to Puri. In the mean time the company erected a compound wall in the area. Police version of the story: They sent the villagers to puri on a holiday. I didn't know that Indian Police had a clause of sending people on sacred journeys.
Even a 5 year old kid can make out what's going on. But it seems whole bureaucratic system has closed its eyes to this part of the country. Someone please wake up.

When will this killing of tribal villages stop?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

are you pig??

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
if Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
if, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs

Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish all the pigs happy forever.

tell me if it makes you cry!!

Its a news which made me cry. Could not stop tears in my eyes. The girl committing suicide for a set of text books and Indian govt. spending millions for free education.
I would like to ask Mr. Manmohan Singh, what is he doing with his educational cess when there are kids taking their lives to save their parents from embarrassment of not able to buy books for them.


Why do we lack in research?

This might be one of the reasons, why India lacks the research power.
Indian Express asked the human resource ministry, the reason why research proposal of a foreign scholar. You might not agree but topics like "Women’s struggle for empowerment" and "Prospects and problems of outsourcing for India’s economic growth" might have a sensitivity issue. These issues might even pose Strategic/Economic threat to the Republic of India.

Long live the bureaucracy. Long live the semi literate politicians.

Link to Indian Express

Friday, April 06, 2007

Height of determination!!

Motorcycle Hall of Fame: Burt Munro
Burt Munro @ wiki
The World's Fastest Indian (2005)
A New Zealand Legend: Burt Munro

I don't have good enough words for this guy!! Competing for world record at the age of 68. Riding a bike no one would approve for racing. and Set a record not to be broken till now!!
This world is full of crazy people.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Yo google!!!

Click Maps
Type in New York to London, hit enter
Read Text Directions carefully. Pay special attention to step 23
Have a nice trip


A wonderful example of business opportunity being spotted in a loss:
"cricinfo" "rediff"
India really needed this initiative and the business will be great!!

Awesome Story!!

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MP's stage a walkout.Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational Insititutions & in Govt Services.
The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden' Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar company in silicon valley.100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ... As a result loosing lot of hard working ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country..... .

Great Bongs!!!

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the 'Vest Bengal Gawrment' he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time.

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, et cetera.

H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No selfrespecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher Jhol is a close second.

K is for Kee Kaando !. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt Everest.

M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!
is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees' ! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second !

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of 'jawggo' and 'maanot'.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.
is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur).
is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.

Monday, April 02, 2007


There are not many state governments in India who can boast of surplus. In this kind of exchequer condition, who in his right mind, would want to give away land of millions of worth. I wonder why governments cry for empty exchequer and then start throwing away acres of land to millionaire industrialists. It won't matter much to them even if they have to kill a few people to snatch the land. The people who are living on that land and are supporting their families from the crops of that land should have first right on the land.
If the industrialist want to put up a plant of something then let them go and acquire the land at the market price.
Or in another situation govt. can go and buy the land from owners and then resell it to the industrialist. But in this situation the land owner should get option of rehabilitation or market price.
The land being grabbed in exchange of pennies a slap on this democracy and leading to plutocracy.

Abu Salem - a Hero or a Terrorist

Mubarakpur, a small town in Uttar Pradesh, India. Kids in other towns might have idols as actors, cricketers or politicians, but this town has a huge fan follower of Abu Salem, an accused of mumbai bomb blasts and killing of Gulshan Kumar. There seems no effect of democracy or governance in this town. If there are so many kids who want to follow his foot steps, I'd not be surprised if one really reaches that place in crime world. I wonder when the govt. and police system wake up and try to win heart of people in such small villages. That seem to be the only way to stop this kind of thing to happen.

Follow the story.