Newly Wed!!!

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.

She was asked to give a little speech.

She addressed as follows:
"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don't want you all to change your way of life, your routine."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.

What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to control your son!

Murphy's Laws

• Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
• To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
• The road to success..... ... is always under construction .
• Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk..
• In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
• All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
• Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
• Everyone has a scheme of getting rich..... which never works .
• If at first you don't succeed.... Destroy all evidence that you ever tried .
• You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
• ***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
• As soon as you mention something... ... if it is good, it is taken.... If it is bad, it happens.
• He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
• If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late...... the bus is still late .
• Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
• If you have paper, you don't have a pen....... If you have a pen, you don't have paper...... if you have both, no one calls .
• Especially for engg. Students---- If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
• You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
• All buses are crowded. Corollary--- -- buses in opposite direction always go empty.
• After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
• If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight .
• The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.
• Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.

Top ten things not to say on your anniversary!

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I've got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut you up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

How guys xpress their love!!!

When a GUY is quiet and is alone,
He's is thinking how good you are.

When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.

When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves you andhow important you're.

When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after awhile,
He is not and feels hurt.

When a GUY keep asking you the same question,
He is wondering why you are lying.

When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belong to him forever.

When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.

When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how are you today.

When a GUY sms' u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.

When a GUY says I love you,
He really means it.

When a GUY says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.

When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.

Appraisal letter .. Amazing!!

Dear Manager (HR),


Ramesh, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work in his cubicle. Ramesh works independently, without

wasting company time talking to colleagues. Ramesh never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often, Ramesh takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

breaks. Ramesh is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Ramesh can be

classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Ramesh be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

sent away as soon as possible.


Signed - Project Leader


NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote
the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3,
5, 7, 9,11, 13)for my true assessment of him.

Mistake

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style...

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident..

If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation..

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...

If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory...

If a student makes a mistake,
It is a MISTAKE

The personal hygiene salesman!!

A man walked into the bar at a hotel that was hosting a convention of personal hygiene product salesmen. He sat down at a table with some of his fellow salesmen.

Immediately one of the other salesmen says to him: "Hey Bill! We were just talking about you. Your territory sucks! Nobody was ever able to make a living in it before you. But now, you son-of-a-gun, you win the all-expense-paid trip to Vegas three years in a row, selling almost twice as much as anyone else in the whole Southwest region! How in the hell do you do it?"

Bill replied, "Its easy! I take a big engraved silver bowl and fill it up with fresh dogcrap. Next I garnish it carefully with parsley sprigs, celery stalks, scallions, olives and thin-sliced red bell pepper rings. I take this to the airport and set it on a table on an elegantly embroidered white tablecloth. I serve samples on cocktail wafers to all who pass by. As soon as someone takes a bite they usually say ’Jesus Christ!! This stuff tastes like CRAP!!’

I reply ’Yes sir! That’s what it is!
Would you care to buy a toothbrush?"

A nice Gazal

This is the first time i m posting a gazal(song) in this blog of mine!! I got this gazal from a very close friend, and it surely touches the heart!!!

___________________________________________________________________
Ankhon me kai sapne saja kar roye bohot hain hum.
dil ko nayi duniya dikha kar roye bohot hain hum.

woh badal gayi to pherli hum nay bhi nazar apni.
par us kay Nishaniyan jala kar roye bohot hain hum.

laut aye to hain us ki mehfil say bacha kar ruh apni.
par us ke saath ko kho kar roye bohot hain hum.

jisay kia tha roshan tamannaon say hum nay apni.
us shama -e- wafa ko bhuja kar roye bohot hain hum.

jin kay saye main ki thin hum nay kai batain.
un baghon main tanha ja kar roye bohot hain hum.

kis qadar khoshi say kia hum dum ko rukhsat hum nay.
magar sab say nazar bacha kay roye bohot hain hum.

hosla tootnay ka gham seh sako to wafa karna kisi say .
yeh batain logon ko suna kar roye bohot hain hum.

phir yun hua ki ankhon ne kai raat jage dekhe.
palkhon pe teri yaad bitha kar roye bohot hain hum.

An Engineer's Valentine Poem!!

I was alone and all was dark
Beneath me and above
My life was full of volts and amps
But not the spark of love

But now that your are here with me
My heart is overjoyed
You turn the square of my heart
Into a sinusoid

You load things from my memory
Onto my system's bus
My life was once assembly code
Now it's C++

I love the way you solder things
My circuits you can fix
The voltage across your diode is
much more than just point six

With your amps and resistors
You have built my integrator
I cannot survive without you
You are my function generator

You have charged my life, increased my gain
And made my maths discrete
And now I'll end my poem here
Control, Alt, and Delete !!!