Classic onliners!!!

• Guitar, for sale....... cheap...........no strings attached.
• Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
• Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.
• When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
• My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.
• You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.
• Sign in a bar: "Those of you who are drinking to forget, please pay in advance."
• If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
• Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
• The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
• A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
• I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.
• Getting caught is the mother of Invention.
• Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.
• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.
• Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run our business.
• A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.
• Sign in a restaurant: All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.
• Sign on a famous beauty parlor window: Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.