Visual DNA ... interesting!!

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Are you the worst tourist in the world??

A survey among 15,000 European hoteliers says Indians are the most impolite. Why am I not not surprised at all. The way we Indians demand for the value of our hard earned money, no one in the hospitality business is going to be happy with us. But is it wrong to ask for the value of your money ( The true value in indian terms ).
Another point that Indian people like their own food and don't pay big bucks to restaurants for the mostly tasteless food. An Indian is a foodie by birth, same as citizen by birth. You can't force us to eat the food we don't want. Most of the travel operators provide tourist packages inclusive of Indian food. This brings more people in the tourism net. This also makes the hospitality people unhappy.

All in all, we might be impolite but still we are best among the developing world.

What is your wish??

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.

I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Little Johnny!! (R)

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

what did he mean by that??

What does your boss mean when he says one of these:

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided , I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means " Well I will tell you where your fault is...??"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble "

Matrimonial !!

Fisherman
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.

Salesman
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

Economist
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

Mathematician
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT Consultant
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

Businessman
Wife wanted for company.

Politician
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society..... ......... ... (etc etc and never getting to the point)

Car Dealer
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.

Farmer
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for planting flower in my life.

Lawyer
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself.
Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.

Pilot
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

Banker
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.


Accountant
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.

Drunkard
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to home. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

Minicab Driver
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.


Builder
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.

Doctor
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

Army Commando
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RaceCar Driver
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!

Astronaut
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!

Jokes!! (Punjabi Tadka)

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!


Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghus Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein
Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?

Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke...
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.



Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon...
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!

Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

Wife of Software Engineer!!!

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

Best Out of office Auto-Replies!!!

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mails will be deleted in the order they were received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve...'

Five Stories!!

Story: 1

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO. As his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson I “Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything”.

Story: 2

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"

Lesson II “If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything."

Story: 3

An American and Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese !, etc......??? " The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey, or monkey?"

Lesson III “Never insult anyone."

Story: 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same andshouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!. ........"

Lesson IV “Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen."

Story: 5

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month." "Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"

Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".

Laws of Love

Laws of Love

{1} Universal law of Love:
" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

{2} First law of Love:
" A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

{3} Second law of Love:
" The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

{4} Third law of Love:
" The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping"

English is a phunny language!! Cont...

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Part 1

Is anybody up there?

Banta was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall.
In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.
Full of fear he assessed his situation. He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death.
Full of fear, Banta cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer.
Again and again he cried out but to no avail.
Finally Banta yelled, "Is anybody up there? "
A deep voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."
"Who said that?"
"It's God, son."
"Can you help me, Goooooodddddd? "
"Yes, I can help. Have faith in me."
"Help me!"

Just let go."
Looking around, Banta became full of panic. "What?!?!"
"Have faith in me, sonny. Let go. I will catch you."
"Uh... Is there anybodyyyyyyyyyyy. ...... else........ ........ up there?"Banta yells even more forcefully.

Pet Fish!!

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, " O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?Whose fish?" Banta responds.

The good, The bad and The Ugly!!

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It`s triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago

Good: Your wife s not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She`s a lawyer

Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He`s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You`e in them

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can`t find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He`s a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: The postman`s early
Bad: He`s wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your son is dating someone new
Bad: It`s another man
Ugly: He`s your best friend

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients


Thanx to SantaBanta!!

English is a phunny language!!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Success Quotes - 2

30) Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.:)

31) Formula for success: Rise early, work hard, strike oil.:)

32) Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.:)

33) Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.:)

34) Failure is success if we learn from it.:)

35) The man who has done his level best... is a success, even though the world may write him down a failure.:)

36) There is no point at which you can say, "Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.":)

37) If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.:)

38) Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.:)

39) Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.:)

40) Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.:)

41) The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.:)

42) One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.:)

43) The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents.:)

44) In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time.:)

45) If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.:)

46) In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.:)

47) I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.:)

48) Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.:)

49) Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiam.:)

50) Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.:)

51) Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.:)

52) Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.:)

53) I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.:)

54) A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.:)

55) Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.:)

56) Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.:)

57) Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.:)

58) The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

Success Quotes - 1

Wal-Mart India Story!!!

Wal-Mart is entering Indian retail market in partnership with Bharti Enterprise. I see a major change in the retail industry in India, not that it was not changing anyways!! Big-Bazaar, Tru-Mart etc have been fighting to change the scenario. They have been trying to allure the customer from mom 'n' pop stores, but have been finding it tough except in some categories.
Given wal-mart's expertise in supply chain, it might do wonders in the market.

How will it affect the Indian markets:

• As always happens in competition, consumer will be the biggest winner in the show. Quality stuff at competitive prices at all times (if the store open 24x7).
• Producers might have to give in some of their profits, but in long run might be happy to do business with wal-mart (situation in US is different as it does not have a small shop culture, so producers are forced to concede to the whims of wal-mart, but I don't see similar thing happening in India.)
• Best part might be fighting the food article's adulteration. As I hope wal-mart will look for better quality.
• Small shop owners will be forced to improve their quality of product and service but should not lose much in the competition.
• In the end, wal-mart wont be going deep in small towns, so small shop owners in those cities need not worry.
  

Success Quotes - 1

1) Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure :)

2) I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.:)

3) Nothing recedes like success.:)

4) Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.:)

5) Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on:) intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.:)

6) Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it... Success is shy - it won't come out while you're watching.:)

7) Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result.:)

8) Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.:)

9) Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.:)

10) What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.:)

11) Success is like death. The more successful you become, the higher the houses in the hills get and the higer the fences get.:)

12) Success is dependent on effort.:)

13) How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?:)

14) The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.:)

15) There is nothing to fear but fear itself.:)

16) The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.:)

17) Action is the foundational key to all success.:)

18) Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown.:)

19) Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.:)

20) Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good.:)

21) It's not enough that I should succeed - others should fail.:)

22) The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant and kind.:)

23) No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.:)

24) Success is that old ABC - ability, breaks, and courage.:)

25) Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.:)

26) Those who have succeeded at anything and don't mention luck are kidding themselves.:)

27) I've had enough success for two lifetimes, my success is talent put together with hard work and luck.:)

28) Pray that success will not come any faster than you are able to endure it.:)

29) Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time.:)

Amazing answer!!

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .

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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running"!!!! !!!!

Life is a Puzzle!!

"LIFE I LEARNED FROM A JIGSAW PUZZLE"

• Don't force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
• When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.
  
• Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
  
• Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.
• When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later.
• The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.
• Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.
  
• Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
• Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.
• Take time to celebrate your successes (even little ones).
• Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.