Ever wonder...

• Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
• Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
• Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
• Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
• Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes. Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
• Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
• Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
• If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Classic onliners!!!

• Guitar, for sale....... cheap...........no strings attached.
• Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
• Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.
• When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
• My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.
• You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.
• Sign in a bar: "Those of you who are drinking to forget, please pay in advance."
• If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
• Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
• The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
• A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
• I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.
• Getting caught is the mother of Invention.
• Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.
• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.
• Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run our business.
• A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.
• Sign in a restaurant: All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.
• Sign on a famous beauty parlor window: Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.

Nice one..

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7.50.

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing ."

A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"

"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense .

Curtains for windows!!!

A blond enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains". The salesman assures her that they have a large election of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches" "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room; they are for her computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ............. I've got Windoooooows!"